When I first browsed the internet in the 90’s it opened the world to me. What started with chat rooms, became message boards, evolved into communities and some long friendships and acquaintances from all over. My favourite corner of the internet though was livejournal, where I could write terrible poetry, muse and observe daily life out loud and read other creatives journal entries.

I miss the simplicity of those days. Not much online had yet been commodified. It felt very grass-roots and full of life. I know pining for the past is something humans do as we get older …”back in my day”… was always better right?

Well, today I find myself out of balance and disconnected from community but mostly ripped apart from myself all to feed the social media glutton inside. I find myself doomscrolling on Tik Tok, Instagram and Facebook,searching up old friends who I never text or call or write just to glimpse and peer into their edited versions of themselves. None of it satisfying. None of it connecting. And I post a story or a reel or a commentary for many to view, a few to like and fewer to comment on leaving me hopelessly grasping for relevance and even a feeling of self-esteem. It doesn’t work. Each attempt a bigger failure than the next. Because we’re all doing it, aren’t we?

And if I stop posting… am I still here? Do I matter? If I stop consuming content am I apprised of the trends, the news, the world around me.

And who will I lose along the way? More importantly (maybe) – will I find more joy and meaning in my life on this path?

Ah! Well, let’s find out.

*Doomscrolling or doomsurfing is the act of spending an excessive amount of time reading large quantities of news, particularly negative news, on the web and social media. The concept was coined around 2020, particularly in the context of the COVID-19 pandemic. Doomscrolling can also be defined as the excessive consumption of short-form videos or social media content for an excessive period of time without stopping.